When I was a child I had a bad case of David pay attention! and a case of The class is in here not out the window. I made it through school alright for the most part because I would be interested in the concept even if not in the details. I could extrapolate enough to pass tests and the teachers did not always hound me to actually turn in the work.

I was an adult before attention deficient disorder became a thing. Just before retirement age I was diagnosed with the condition. Happily I was able to find ways jobs that I could fake it enough to seem like I was paying attention to the job. Sometimes I found something in the job I could hyperfocus on thus being highly productive. Soldiering and teaching in elementary school worked pretty well for me since no two moments tended to be the same. The challenge of dealing with people, yes children count as people, and the focus changed all day long.

I bring this all up as a fiction writer since I am avoiding working on something I do not enjoy. I love telling stories either ones that come to life in my mind, or memories of my own life. The story however I can’t stand doing is my biography. Spoiler alert, that is one dull story. The story of when I was attacked by a two-mile-long glowing serpent at four in the morning, or when I discovered I could not climb cliffs after I was halfway up, those stories can be fun. The story of my life, however, is not so much fun.

The truth is by definition I paid a deficit of attention to much of my life. I think it would be nice to just copy most of the lyrics from the Beatles’ Nowhere Man or California Dreaming by the Mamas and Papas or something. Those songs would not be enough since there is far more pathos in them than in my life. Simon and Garfunkel’s 59^th Street Bridge Song needs to be mixed in. I’ve enjoyed most of my life but don’t see why anyone would be interested in it.

Well enough time wasted. The task is here in the biography David, stop just telling stories. It is time to act like a responsible adult and get to work. The key may be in pretending I am an interesting character to tell a story about. That’s it! I will go back to work and invent a fictional biography. Thanks for listening.